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On Becoming Illegal. You'll love this!

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Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin

731 Hart Senate Office Building

Phone (202) 224 3254

Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am 

writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland 

Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and 

they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal 

alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which 

you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an 

illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do 

to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the 

last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the 

process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every 

year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return 

for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal 

retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because 

we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room 

as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for 

medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would 

receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well 

as 'in-state' tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for 

my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of 

renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. 

This is very important to me given that I still have college age children 

driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal 

(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most 

appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Donald Ruppert

Burlington , IA